All we see is nothing but a dream within a dream

Lets do this you sick fuck.

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Fight or flight? Or maybe hesitation.

When is the selfish line to be drawn. I hesitated and the guilt is hitting me hard. What would you do in the moment? I hesitated before making a decision. I could see the flames and I questioned it out loud “should I call 911” for at least 30 seconds standing out side alone I watched as an apartment IN MY BUILDING burned down before calling 911. Why did I hesitate? Who hesitates? Yet I was so calm and the first one to call. The fire was going on long enough to burn through the roof and engulf the courtyard with smoke to the point of looking like fog and why was my hesitation blocking my quick thinking. I called 911 speaking loud so my neighbors might wake up to listen to my own commotion. As one by one, my neighbors exiting the building, I yelled there’s a fire but still did not act on it. Sitting here 2 hours later, thanking whoever that the apartment was vacant, I’m feeling my own guilt rising. Why didn’t I do more? Was I scared? I now can think of 100 of things I should have done. I got some of my neighbors out safely but why did I not go up to the third floor fire infested apartment and wake their neighbors? Or did I just assume they heard the fire alarm go off? Regardless I didn’t go. Safety of course is an issue but what if it was me? I would have wanted someone to wake me up regardless. Luckily no one was hurt nor a home. But I really need to evaluate my cause to help others and disregard myself. Because if someone did get hurt. Knowing I could have made a difference would have haunted me for ever. I need more fight in me. Tonight was a close call. To close. There isn’t always a next time. I can’t take it for granted. Bravery is something I never thought I lacked till now.

Filed under fire smoke hesitate 911 flight guilt fight bravery